Because the four are a “family,” but also because all women in this film settle for the first human man they come across. When Wichita and Little Rock escape Columbus and Tallahassee one night-after Columbus proposes to Wichita, even though marriage makes absolutely no sense in the context of this film, and Columbus is such an obnoxious, unpleasant person that even Oscar-winning Actor Emma Stone can’t believably fake liking him-we know they’ll be back. Men are men, women are women, and no homosexuals are allowed in Zombieland, what with all the strong, capable women we regularly meet seemingly feeling stuck to misogynist and/or incredibly unlikable guys for a lack of better choices. In fact, a base sense of logic is mostly a burden throughout an unsurprisingly regressive, unimaginative take on the post-apocalypse. We rejoin our four ersatz family members a decade-ish after the zombie uprising of the first film, with our narrator Columbus (Jesse Eisenberg) catching us up on the lives of Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson), Little Rock (Abigail Breslin) and Columbus’s now-girlfriend Wichita (Emma Stone), who all live cozily together at the White House, because apparently in a decade no living human thought to hole up in that obviously safe fortress.
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Now we have The Walking Dead in its tenth season, which isn’t about anything besides the urge to continue to exist, and now we have Zombieland: Double Tap, which is a Zombieland movie that isn’t about anything but the first Zombieland movie.
Now we have One Cut of the Dead, which decidedly isn’t a zombie movie so much as a lovely treatise on creating communal art, a theme still reflected in most zombie movies, though typically literalized by the need to band together with fellow living beings to defeat the dead and rebuild a functioning society.
This was back when that idea bore a modicum of meta fun, back when the tropes it explored weren’t ground into cliche pulp, back when zombie movies still had something to say. The first Zombieland-premiering ten years ago, before The Walking Dead became ubiquitous-is a zombie movie about zombie movies.